Ultimately, we're just family. A team working together for the greater good of the individual and as a whole.
Everybody plays nicely together, practicing common courtesy, respect and generosity of spirit on a daily basis. We genuinely like each other and seek out opportunities to engage and connect, gravitating towards one another for companionship and conversation. It's not uncommon for us to walk in the door after work, get involved in conversation or activity and never even make it upstairs till almost midnight. I am always amazed at how much living we can pack into a 24 hour period!
Because there are three adults, we have additional resource, starting with manpower. A typical two parent household finds the adults working full time and coming home to an evening filled with more chores than relaxation. Charles and Marie handled all of this successfully for many years before I arrived on the scene; however, the addition of another adult in the home provides us with not only an additional team player, but additional perspective as well. This means more hands to accomplish any given task, which in turn allows for more relaxation time for all. It also enables each of us to grow individually, with one more set of eyes to offer insight when resolving any conflicts that might arise.
Charles is our relationship advocate and guides us in all things related to our interpersonal growth. He is dedicated to helping us grow individually, strengthening our 'heart muscles' and building a strong, cohesive family unit. His message is one of giving our best to one another, and he actively promotes this not only with wise words and sincerity of heart but most importantly by example. He does an amazing job of making each of us feel valued, loved and appreciated, striving to give us exceptional, personalized care. Kindnesses are promptly acknowledged and issues are also immediately addressed, even when it's not convenient. Sometimes this means we lose sleep and are up till 4 in the morning to work it out, and yes, the discussion can get heated at times; love requires passion. When it's all said and done, we either resolve it or 'agree to disagree'; however, we make a habit of sticking with it until we can leave the room with a hug and an 'I love you'. That's important - this and the leadership provided by Charles is a key factor in allowing us to build strong relationships instead of 'co-existing' or merely tolerating one another.
Charles is also our chief resource for the latest movies, music, podcasts and games, and invests extra time and effort to bring us new items targeted to our individual interests. Before we became caught up in our smartphones, every Thursday evening would find him searching for fresh music for the family, to make our Fridays special. This could take hours to find just the right song or a particular request from one of us, but he viewed it as a labor of love. Another example of his personalized care!
Marie is passionate about health and not only enjoys preparing tasty recipes, but also encourages us to engage in more physical activity. She has helped us eat better, pushing whole and organic foods, and we appreciate her for it. I cook occasionally, but actually prefer acting as sou chef, cutting up vegetables and getting things ready. After she and I experimented with a few different cooking schedules, we agreed upon this current arrangement, and it works well for both of us. After dinner, we put on music and everyone pitches in to clean up the dishes. We purposely draw this chore out, since singing together is one of our favorite pastimes! Charles and Sid in particular have exceptional voices and the effect of their harmonizing is quite beautiful.
Two hands are better than one!
Marie is also the force behind our successful finances and the queen of researching and finding a good price on vacations, home repairs and more. She recently spearheaded a campaign to have our basement refinished, which has given us a dedicated space to use the treadmill and Kinect - this helps motivate us to exercise more frequently. We share one household bank account, with all funds pooled. The budget Marie has created includes stipends for gas, groceries, fast food and fun - but most notable is the fact that each of us has an allowance. We all discussed and agreed on this arrangement, and because we are each careful to respect it - it has not been a problem. In fact, there seems to be extra money at the end of each month, due to Marie's strict management and everyone's respectful adherence to it. This includes Charles. You might think him the head of the household, and he is - but our nickname for Marie is "Little Big Boss" for a reason!
Myself? These two were highly functional when I joined them, so for now - my role has been to cover those areas where each of them needed a little More. For instance, Marie prefers to work with things she can touch. Details, factors and numbers. Her world view is focused on the home, so she's not the one to engage in long philosophical conversations or necessarily know what's going on in the news. Charles on the other hand, is highly attuned to the metaphysical and a broader perspective on life. He'll notice subtle things, like your body language, and be able to read your feelings. He's also keenly interested in any number of subjects and delights in speaking passionately about them.
Between her Yin and his Yang - I am neither, and both. Like Charles, I'm a night owl and love to get involved in deep conversations. My care for him in this way is unique, as Marie isn't much for such matters and tends to go to bed at a much more reasonable hour. He and I keep company till the wee hours of the morning, talking, sharing space, sometimes while on separate computers or while playing an xbox game. It's easy and comfortable. Downtime for the soul. However, he doesn't care much for clothes-shopping, yoga, girl talk and the like! This is where I come in, but not just for fun stuff; she and I also work in the garden, build furniture, paint and manage the household together. We live with three men, Charles and two teenage boys, so having a live in 'sister' and friend to do these things with is an added bonus for Marie! She's not my wife, but she is my best friend. We work very well together, and have all but surpassed the limitations of jealousy and insecurity that one might expect. Negativity gets old, fast. When Charles helped us to realize that, we started learning how to be better to one another...something that a lot of women could use help with.
But Charles isn't the only one to help with relationships: even though they'd been happily married for nineteen years when I met them, my presence has helped them both fine-tune their connectivity, acting as a moderator and giving input when it comes to working out conflicts. They tell me they are happier and more in love with each other than ever! That's pretty impressive, given our situation.
As I stated, The Dashings have children, all teenagers or older now. I'll talk about relating to the kids in another posting. For now, I just wanted to talk about the daily interaction between three adults, our polyfidelitous triad. As you can see, it's different, but not so different from the way most two parent households operate. We just have more resource.
This is how it works. There are no magic formulas, just positive, giving hearts; we all reap the benefits by giving our best to one another. Between her Yin and his Yang - I am neither, and both. Like Charles, I'm a night owl and love to get involved in deep conversations. My care for him in this way is unique, as Marie isn't much for such matters and tends to go to bed at a much more reasonable hour. He and I keep company till the wee hours of the morning, talking, sharing space, sometimes while on separate computers or while playing an xbox game. It's easy and comfortable. Downtime for the soul. However, he doesn't care much for clothes-shopping, yoga, girl talk and the like! This is where I come in, but not just for fun stuff; she and I also work in the garden, build furniture, paint and manage the household together. We live with three men, Charles and two teenage boys, so having a live in 'sister' and friend to do these things with is an added bonus for Marie! She's not my wife, but she is my best friend. We work very well together, and have all but surpassed the limitations of jealousy and insecurity that one might expect. Negativity gets old, fast. When Charles helped us to realize that, we started learning how to be better to one another...something that a lot of women could use help with.
But Charles isn't the only one to help with relationships: even though they'd been happily married for nineteen years when I met them, my presence has helped them both fine-tune their connectivity, acting as a moderator and giving input when it comes to working out conflicts. They tell me they are happier and more in love with each other than ever! That's pretty impressive, given our situation.
As I stated, The Dashings have children, all teenagers or older now. I'll talk about relating to the kids in another posting. For now, I just wanted to talk about the daily interaction between three adults, our polyfidelitous triad. As you can see, it's different, but not so different from the way most two parent households operate. We just have more resource.
Love given = Love mutliplied.
Rika
"God's dream is that you and I and all of us will realize that we are family, that we are made for togetherness, for goodness, and for compassion." Desmond Tutu
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