Suggested Reading for Parents

Readers of my past articles understand this blog began as an attempt to initiate dialogue with my parents, who've disagreed so strongly with my lifestyle choices they've stopped speaking to me.  Sadly, the lack of rational discussion and their subsequent total silence over the last two years leaves me with only one assumption... 

...Since I cannot conform to their preferences for my life - the deep concern their faith dictates for my eternal soul allows for the complete annihilation of our relationship.

I'm not the only one whose parents have vehemently disagreed with their adult children's choices regarding life partners, sexual orientation or faith.  It's quite common.

Parental reactions vary.

Some families fight it out with accompanying drama.  Some sweep it under the rug and pretend 'the elephant in the room' doesn't exist.  Some ignore and/or refuse any attempts at reconciliation.
Others flat out disown their children.

The following is a You Tube clip that surfaced a few weeks ago.  Its footage shows a son attempting a reasonable discussion with his parents about his homosexuality.  
His parents' reaction can only be described as horrific.  Shocking. Despicable.

Take a look at the video below - then spend a moment gauging your own reaction:

How not to React when your Child tells you that he's Gay

I imagine most parents who are unhappy with their child's life choices would passionately deny any resemblance between their own reactions and this type of behavior.  

Perhaps you've never been faced with a similar situation.  Maybe you sincerely believe you wouldn't react in such an unconscionable manner.  The truth is, theoretical philosophy often offers an entirely different perspective than that of empirical knowledge.

In the context of the situation in the above video clip, ask yourself these questions:

• How would you react if your child gave you similar news?
• Do you believe your child actually trusts you enough to tell you the truth?
• Would you rather your child pretended to be someone else in order to hold your approval, or be completely honest with you about their actual identity?
• When it comes to the unconditional love you promise your child, is that only in theory - or do you place certain conditions on that love?
• Do you feel that what's best for your child is what works for you as a parent?
• Is your greatest fear the reaction of others and losing your 'bragging rights'?
• Does this fear of 'losing face' with others influence your behavior towards your child?
• Do you believe that it's okay to guilt, shame or bully your child into behavior deemed acceptable, using 'tough love' when disapproval alone fails to work?
• Is clinging to your personal preferences worth the risk of losing the relationship you have with your child?
• How does being kind and respectful to your child translate into condoning their behavior?
• How does demonizing your child's entire character correspond to the love you felt for them BEFORE you knew about their 'secret'? 
• Could you ever be so upset at your child's life choices that you would actually strike them?  
• Would you go so far as to disown them?
• What is the obligation of every parent to their child? 
• When is it 'love' - and when is it abuse? 

If you've never considered things from this perspective, isn't it high time you did?

Rika

Is this the type of love you wish to give your child?