There comes a time in a girl's life when enough is enough. When logic and reason don't soften hearts of stone, it becomes necessary to speak plainly, based upon principal alone.
Charles and I started our blogs to reach the hearts of family members who disapprove of our poly lifestyle to the point of annihilation. Since poly-fidelity is neither widely known nor socially 'conventional', it became crucial to include a bit of 'poly education' in our writings, to prevent any misconceptions about our lifestyle. Cognizant that this is a personal preference, we sought to present a balanced perspective that highlights the benefits of our family structure, while allowing for differences of opinion.
It's important to note that our attempts at reconciliation have been ongoing for over 3 years; our combined writings via this particular method total over 60 postings! Throughout the entries, we have consistently included a disclaimer stating we don't have all of the answers and can only speak for ourselves.
That will always be the case. Personally, I believe that unless I've exhausted all possible knowledge on every given subject, I'm not a qualified expert - on anything. Our opinions and personal experience are only meaningful to us as individuals; they have no relevance to anyone else.
Unfortunately, our heartfelt attempts to open the doors of communication between our families have been perceived as 'pushing poly down their throats'. Instead of being open to reasonable discussion, we have been rewarded with cowardly silence, illogical accusations, or dogmatic insistence that we break up our poly family.
This, from Christians - whose faith mandates they present their god as a loving father - who claim his message is one of warmth and tenderness, but instead - represent him with an iron fist which threatens us with eternal damnation if we don't obediently comply by 'freely choosing' him.
This, from parents - whose primary purpose was to teach us to treat one another with respect - to prepare us for successful interaction with others in a diverse and colorful world - yet refuse to even acknowledge the existence of our life partners.
By their own standards, they have fallen woefully short on both counts.
I respect those who are sincere and accurately represent their faith. I understand how to 'play nicely' with those who have different viewpoints than my own. I interpret personal opinion as exactly that - personal. What I take issue with is this: the glaring flaw in keeping a death grip on bigotry when mere acceptance would yield so much More.
Open Hands encourage communication, even if it means you ultimately 'agree to disagree'.
Closed Fists prefer silence, breaking it only to speak accusations that have no basis in truth.
Open Hands promote reconciliation by using reason to find common realities.
Closed Fists refuse to compromise, preferring dogmatic bullying and zealotry.
Open Hands research multiple perspectives in order to reach a logical conclusion.
Closed Fists utilize a sole resource as the final authority on any given subject and do not consider opposing viewpoints as valid.
Open Hands understand there are as many paths to enlightenment as there are cultures.
Closed Fists label you 'insincere and sinister' if you don't conform to their agenda of converting you to the 'one true way'.
Open Hands speak intelligently and use creative examples to communicate their perspective.
Closed Fists label this eloquence as being manipulative to flatter self-inflated egos.
Open Hands realize that in today's complex culture, the term 'family' has widened to describe deeply committed comprehensive relationships, not just genealogical relativity. People can form unique connections which bond them just as closely as blood or law; if the relationship is positive, healthy and inclusive it should be respected, even if unconventional.
Closed Fists, however, engage in exclusive actions, refusing to acknowledge even solidified long-term relationships for their own personal reasons, even when those relationships are validated by the proof and history of the people within them.
The concept of the closed fist is as ridiculous and lonely as it sounds.
What was labeled a 'phase' at the onset of this relationship is moving successfully into its 4th year. It hasn't just happened - it's the result of dedication and teamwork. Although positivity and kindness are default characteristics of our home life, we've also encountered a few tough moments. Instead of granting those obstacles the power to tear us apart, however; we have used them as tools to strengthen our bond as a family.
Consider the following:
No one lives forever. While every religion in the world has its own belief, where we end up in the afterlife has yet to be proven. However, many would say that how we manage our mortal lives Now determines where we spend eternity.
If I'm wrong, what do you have to lose by trying?
If I'm right, how much will you continue to lose by not?
We understand you are unfamiliar with our poly structure and this makes you hesitant. That's natural and might be overcome by spending a little time with us.
We realize that until you do, you will not be able to see us for who we are: a family.
Everyone involved has so many good things to share, so many great reasons to come together.
Reasons that don't seek to take away your individuality, but only hope to add to your joy.
Our hands are outstretched, open.
Rika
Pete Townshend 'Let My Love Open The Door'
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