Sunday, April 14, 2013

Obedience, Control and Free Will

Disclaimer:  As is customary, my parents raised me according to their own belief system.  My own choices as an adult are not in alignment with the way they brought me up as a child. I respect those who sincerely practice their personal faith - an entirely different matter from the hypocrites whose actions reveal their true hearts, or the zealots who think sharing the 'good news' means enforcing their will upon others.

I am no longer a Bible-believing Christian and have not professed to be for several years.  I prefer the integrity of not wearing a label with the passive insincerity of hypocrisy.  Anticipating the typical believer's reaction - this is not about finding the 'right church or pastor', nor a lack of 'intercessory prayer' on the part of those concerned for my eternal soul.  I can assure you, those points have been well-covered.

Allow me to share an exaggerated analogy that effectively demonstrates my perspective:

As a small child, I was fed a controlled diet of one singular vegetable - for simplicity's sake, let's call it a carrot.  Since carrots had magical properties, I lived in a protected bubble where everything either smelled like, looked like, or was made from, carrots.  Every other kind of nourishment, including other vegetables, was avoided and considered a source of deadly contamination. The conversation also revolved around the history, necessity and value of carrots; they were the single influential factor when it came to making healthy decisions.  As I got older, I noticed others outside of the bubble eating from a banquet of many different bright and colorful foods. Many of these people were productive, ethical members of society, not deathly ill or of questionable moral character - as I had been taught to believe.  Upon voicing questions about this discrepancy, the response was "If you have doubts, you must be sick and are in danger of dying.  Quickly! Bury yourself in carrots so you can recover!"



Controlled obedience results in conditioned behavior.  Compliance is often mistaken for agreement.

As a free-thinking adult who discovered new information, I simply stopped eating carrots.  That doesn't mean I ate every single food available on the banquet table.  Instead, after careful consideration and personal experience, I learned how to differentiate between what makes me sick or improves my health.  For instance, the occasional glass of red wine is beneficial to my heart, but overindulgence is irresponsible and makes you feel sick.  Variety and moderation are important factors in balancing the required nutrients one needs to function at top performance.

Learning about these things helps me grow strong and healthy, and keeps me connected to the realities of what goes on around me.  Research, science and technology rapidly bring changes to our modern world.  Reviewing this information, asking questions and forming decisions based on facts rather than on a single hypothesis with no basis for comparison - makes sense.  I am no longer restricted to the oldest book in the library as my sole guidebook. A book compiled amid dispute on which parts were legitimate or false.  Whose writings include those adopted from other cultures by the rulers of that time period, to further their political agenda.  A book in which the first half had entire sections intentionally removed by a religious reformer, in order to match an entirely different belief system.  The many translations and versions of this book have been the cause of many heated debates over which one is 'correct'.  Deciphering the meaning of the content has resulted in division and strife among the religious community.  Questionable at best.

The prerogative to regard this controversial book as the ultimate authority upon which to base and defend morals, behaviors and beliefs, must be left up to the individual.  For myself, having learned to evaluate the world through a more rational filter, I've effected practical and proven methods to handle real-life issues.  My perspectives and behaviors are a direct result of independent thinking and strength of character, not based upon fear and the interpretations of men with worldly agendas.  

It's really what our parents intended for us, and what we wish for our own children.

Or... is it?

Rika

Welcome to this World
                                                              

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn." - Alvin Toffler


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

To My Estranged Children

Throughout your childhood and into your young adulthood, I raised you to be responsible citizens with values, respect and character.  I stayed married to your dad for 20 years, who worked diligently to provide for us financially and gave his best effort to meet our other needs.  Unfortunately, he and I were not able to fulfill each other emotionally, which stunted our individual growth as well as our relationship.


Since I was the product of divorced parents myself, providing a stable home environment in order to launch you both into successful adulthood was something I regarded very seriously.  There were times it would have been easier to split the family up by leaving your dad.  I made the decision to stay, for your sake, and honored that commitment right up to the time you left for college.  We packed plenty of fun and adventure into your growing-up years. I still fondly reminisce about our good times and will always cherish those memories.


As you were leaving the nest, I decided to spread my own wings and seek the personal fulfillment I had placed as secondary to being your mother.  For reasons yet unknown to me, you made a choice to hold that decision against me, and shut me out of your life.

Completely and without a second glance.  

I tried for years to stay in contact with you, but texts went unanswered, your phone numbers were changed.

Your voices were, and still areSilent.

You both are currently serving in the Air Force, and doing exceptionally well, I've been told.  (I reach out to your dad from time to time for the latest news on your lives).  I want you to know I am proud of you, and wish you every joy and success.  Be mindful: it doesn't just happen, you must earn it.  You are intelligent, charismatic individuals fully capable of obtaining anything within your reach.  Be true to yourselves.  Seek those who will love you for who you are, not for who they think you should be.  After three years of being single, I've been fortunate to find such exceptional love and care myself.  People who truly love you are an immeasurable treasure.  

Should you ever choose to be a part of my life, don’t hesitate to seek me out.  Of course I want that, but since I will not force something you have made clear you do not want, I am reluctantly obligated to leave the next move up to you.  

In the meantime, understand that I must live my life in the Now, not for a past we have all outgrown, nor for a future that may never be.  Life is precious and I must connect to what I have been granted in this moment.

If you do wish to reconnect with me, be prepared to find a different Mom. I’m not the quiet, passive mother you used to know.  I’ve fought and won a few tough battles since you last saw me, some alone, and some with the help of the new love and family I’ve found.  I no longer politely concede for the sake of others' comfort level, nor seek permission to respectfully speak my voice.   There are some personal choices I have made that you may not agree with.  I will not apologize for love, however; these choices have brought me a new sense of inner peace and incredible personal growth.   I laugh often and have grown to love whom I've become.

You are welcome to share my new life.  I will gladly answer any questions you may have as honestly as I can.  Even so, I need you to understand something;  do not expect to waltz back into my life after six years of silence with no explanation on your part.  The way you treated me was wrong.  I will hold you accountable for your behavior by asking you some tough questions of my own.

That being said, there is still room in my heart for you.  Always will be.  And by the way, it is important to note that my new family stands ready to welcome you also.  Their hearts and character are magnanimous and above reproach.

I love you very much.  Nothing can or will ever change that.

If and when you are ready, I am Here.

Mom