To My Estranged Children

Throughout your childhood and into your young adulthood, I raised you to be responsible citizens with values, respect and character.  I stayed married to your dad for 20 years, who worked diligently to provide for us financially and gave his best effort to meet our other needs.  Unfortunately, he and I were not able to fulfill each other emotionally, which stunted our individual growth as well as our relationship.

Since I was the product of divorced parents myself, providing a stable home environment in order to launch you both into successful adulthood was something I regarded very seriously.  There were times it would have been easier to split the family up by leaving your dad.  I made the decision to stay, for your sake, and honored that commitment right up to the time you left for college.  We packed plenty of fun and adventure into your growing-up years. I still fondly reminisce about our good times and will always cherish those memories.

As you were leaving the nest, I decided to spread my own wings and seek the personal fulfillment I had placed as secondary to being your mother.  For reasons yet unknown to me, you made a choice to hold that decision against me, and shut me out of your life.

Completely and without a second glance.  

I tried for years to stay in contact with you, but texts went unanswered, your phone numbers were changed.

Your voices were, and still are, Silent.

You both are currently serving in the Air Force, and doing exceptionally well, I've been told.  (I reach out to your dad from time to time for the latest news on your lives).  I want you to know I am proud of you, and wish you every joy and success.  Be mindful: it doesn't just happen, you must earn it.  You are intelligent, charismatic individuals fully capable of obtaining anything within your reach.  Be true to yourselves.  Seek those who will love you for who you are, not for who they think you should be.  After three years of being single, I've been fortunate to find such exceptional love and care myself.  People who truly love you are an immeasurable treasure.  

Should you ever choose to be a part of my life, don’t hesitate to seek me out.  Of course I want that, but since I will not force something you have made clear you do not want, I am reluctantly obligated to leave the next move up to you.  

In the meantime, understand that I must live my life in the Now, not for a past we have all outgrown, nor for a future that may never be.  Life is precious and I must connect to what I have been granted in this moment.

If you do wish to reconnect with me, be prepared to find a different Mom. I’m not the quiet, passive mother you used to know.  I’ve fought and won a few tough battles since you last saw me, some alone, and some with the help of the new love and family I’ve found.  I no longer politely concede for the sake of others' comfort level, nor seek permission to respectfully speak my voice.   There are some personal choices I have made that you may not agree with.  I will not apologize for love, however; these choices have brought me a new sense of inner peace and incredible personal growth.   I laugh often and have grown to love whom I've become.

You are welcome to share my new life.  I will gladly answer any questions you may have as honestly as I can.  Even so, I need you to understand something;  do not expect to waltz back into my life after six years of silence with no explanation on your part.  The way you treated me was wrong.  I will hold you accountable for your behavior by asking you some tough questions of my own.

That being said, there is still room in my heart for you.  Always will be.  And by the way, it is important to note that my new family stands ready to welcome you also.  Their hearts and character are magnanimous and above reproach.

I love you very much.  Nothing can or will ever change that.

If and when you are ready, I am Here.

Mom