Keeping it Real

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Although I tend to wax philosophical and engage in serious discussion, the truth is, I prefer the light-hearted side of things.  I enjoy being silly and making people laugh.  There have been times in the past where I've been criticized for being a little too bubbly or laughing a little too loudly.  Others have openly resented that my positive outlook on life doesn't mesh with their own negative attitude.  Admittedly, I do see the glass half-full, because I sincerely believe there is always something to be thankful for, if you take the time to look closely enough.  That doesn't mean I am unaware of the horrific events that happen in the world all around me - reading about these things can make me physically ill.  I am profoundly grateful for the fact that thus far, my life has remained untouched by such stories of tragedy and despair.

My previous posts have outlined the positive aspects of my poly-relationship - we work diligently to invest in each other in a meaningful way.  Leaning in and connecting to one another helps us avoid some of the pitfalls that might befall us if we chose to take each other for granted.  It doesn't mean we haven't dealt with some challenges, it's just that we choose to not let them defeat or destroy us.  Instead, we allow these situations to strengthen us, by using them as opportunities for growth.

As children, each of us hopes for unconditional love and acceptance of our truest self.  As we grow older, we realize that despite our best attempts to cohabitate peacefully on this earth - there are those who allow their differences and ignorance of perspective to limit their hearts and dictate their actions.  The harsh reality of being faced with the limitation of someone's love can sting.

You see, it's not that I have a Pollyanna perspective - I simply choose to live in the Now.  There are things and situations that I cannot control; however, I can certainly determine my own attitude in how I react to unforeseen events. I refuse to let someone else color who I am, what I should be, or who I should love.  I will not allow them to paralyze my joy in all the good things that uplift my life!  As Charles says, "Never apologize for love."

I recently 'came out' to a friend at work, who met my confession with support and acceptance.  Although my workplace is pro-Lifestyle Diversity and has a zero tolerance policy of discrimination of any type, this decision was not made lightly.  After careful consideration and in-depth research, I will also be opening up to my supervisor and co-workers about the truth of my poly-family.  For three years, they have believed I have a regular 'boyfriend', and my conversations about home life have been limited to Charles and the boys. That's not fair or respectful to Marie.  Furthermore, toning myself down to fit someone else's perception of 'normal' leaves me feeling dishonest.  I am fully aware this will result in criticism and questions.  If I ultimately find myself socially rejected, I am prepared to accept it.  My self-confidence is not linked to what others think of me, nor is my happiness dependent upon external factors.

I gladly give others the right to their own beliefs and lifestyles, but I draw the line when those same people try to dictate my own choices for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  I believe in who I am and my poly relationship down to the very core.  It's my family structure. These days, the family can be comprised of many different configurations of numbers, gender, sexual orientation and race.  In a society where over fifty percent of Americans consider their pet as part of the family, I refuse to let my own idea of family structure be determined by someone else's viewpoint.

This is who I am.  I've been given one life and I insist on owning it.

Rika

Mary J. Blige, feat. U2 - One (Lyrics Below)

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame

You say one love, one life (one life)
It's one need in the night
One love (one love), get to share it
Leaves you darling, if you don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's too late, tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One...

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Well, did I ask too much, more than a lot?
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got
We're one, but we're not the same
Well we, hurt each other
Then we do it again

You say
Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
Love is a temple
Love is the higher law
You ask me to enter
Well then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters and my
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...
One love