Why I Chose to be the Other Woman

I didn't set out looking for a poly relationship.  In fact, I'd never even heard of the term until after I met Charles and Marie. 

What I did seek was More.  More than I'd had in a twenty year marriage with an introvert, going through the motions while co-existing without emotional intimacy in the same house.  More than I'd found in a lifetime of going to church, where the focus and priority was on eternal life, while the problems of mortal life were given a promise and a prayer.  More than I encountered after three years of being exposed to a dating pool that left me unimpressed and unwilling to lower my standards.  I found it all lacking in one way or another.

After meeting Charles, Marie and their teenage children, I was struck by the warmth and depth of connectivity between them.  It was evident there were a loving and cohesive unit who went out of their way to be kind to each other. Their values and standards closely mirrored those that I find ideal, and unlike so many other areas of society- they didn't just speak of them, they demonstrated them, daily.  I was drawn to the positive, contagious atmosphere that permeated the household and wanted more!

I'm a firm believer that we aren't meant to keep a tight hold on what we are given.  We reap personal fulfillment when we share from our abundance - whether it be time, wisdom, and love or other talents and resources.  Charles, Marie and I didn't enter our relationship due to any needs or inadequacies on either side - it was simply because we had more than enough to give and wanted to share it with each other.  

Being the other woman in a poly-triad isn't about being second or getting less. Quite the opposite!  I'm the recipient of an extraordinary amount of exceptional love - it forces my heart to grow in an attempt to contain it all. For me, it's not about sharing a man, it's about sharing a family and understanding the The Value of More.  We each add our own unique qualities to the relationship.  I don't just love Charles and Marie - I'm in love the entire family. It's a package deal! 

What am I missing by being the 'other woman'?  Monogamous marriage?  Been there, and quite frankly, for me,the dynamic of a poly family makes it pale by comparison. The single life, boyfriends?  Done that. For me, the grass is not greener on the other side and comes with its own set of problems and drama. Religion?  With parents who were pastors and then later missionaries, polyamory by nature goes against the way I was raised. They taught me their faith and I deeply respect them for upholding it.  My parents and their parents before them, chose their own path to fulfillment.  
In this life, everyone is obligated to find, create and become themselves, me too.

True, I may never see legislation that recognizes our poly-triad as legal.  I may never be free to stand on the front lawn and kiss Charles in front of neighbors who know Marie as his wife.  A society that is more familiar with the normality of cheating and affairs will view us as odd.  It is frustrating to downplay who I am and what we are, for the sake of making other people more comfortable with their own ignorance and fear - yet, these things are a small price to pay in exchange for the best thing that's ever happened to me!  

Being in a poly-triad with Charles and Marie has done more for me than anything I've ever encountered in my life.  I am fiercely proud of what I consider to be an ongoing accomplishment, because it challenges me to grow and give the best of myself every day.  It's changed who I am, changed my life.

The truth is, in much the same way that a person might not get married if they never met the right person, I might not have ever become poly had I not met Charles and Marie.  

I fell in love first, the label came after. 

Rika

Brand New Me - Alicia Keys

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson