The Inside Scoop

Imagine you were accused of something but never given the chance to defend yourself.  After hurling illogical and unfounded insults, your accusers hid in the shadows and refused any attempts for mediation.  Furthermore, your efforts to promote harmony and peace were seen as manipulative, simply because of the way you eloquently presented your perspective.

In my previous postings, I’ve presented an accurate picture of our thriving poly home life.  Although we’ve found remarkable joy in the cohesive family unit we’ve worked so diligently to build, there has also been steady opposition from family members who would rather tear us apart than rejoice with us in our growing happiness.  Many invitations have been extended for them to visit our home to get a balanced perspective of how things work, yet instead they have chosen to raise objections that have no basis in truth, since they are on the outside looking in.  They need only step inside to witness first-hand the actual reality of our loving home environment. 

As you can see by the links I’ve included in this and previous entries, Charles and I have diligently attempted to keep the doors of communication open in order to bring healing and restoration to our families.  Throughout our writings you will consistently see disclaimers along these lines: We understand our lifestyle is not the social norm, and under no circumstances should be entered into lightly or irresponsibly.  We freely acknowledge it’s not for everyone; however, our solid history speaks volumes on how it unquestionably works well for us.  

This rational approach to help our families understand our perspective has unfortunately been perceived as manipulation.  To date, the 75 combined entries we've posted in the last ten months are not our only efforts; additionally, there have been emails and phone calls initiated over the last 3 ½ years. The responses to these attempts have been minimal and met with a rigid unwillingness for further discussion.  Our message has been consistent – we simply offer More love, more kindness and more resource.

In the face of irrefutable logic, however, our families keep side-stepping with ever-changing reasons for their objections. The initial reactions of “This is just a phase.”,  “Rika will tear the family apart.”, “You’re being manipulated." , "You don’t know your own mind.”, “You’re going straight to he** and taking them with you.” - have been eroded to “I just don’t like it.", "I don't agree with it.”, and recently have fallen into complete silence.

Charles and I aren’t the only ones involved in promoting healing - both Marie and the boys have been supportive of our efforts, allowing us the time needed to devote to our writing. In fact, it seems the more effort we waste in trying to work with them, the more unified we become!  It hasn’t been easy to deal with their negativity. In fact, at moments we've questioned if reaching out to them is worth the investment of our goodwill, when we have so many other positive things to focus on - yet we continue to do the right thing and be ambassadors for peace. 

Charles in particular is tireless in his efforts. In the midst of the rejection and pain we have experienced, he has not cowered in the face of opposition.  He has not resorted to the negativity that has become the sole characteristic of objections to our family structure. Instead, he displays humble consistency as he demonstrates the very essence of what love should be.  A magnanimous and loving spirit speaks positively and clearly.  I couldn’t be prouder of the man I fell in love with.  His character continues to win my heart - and has unequivocally earned my loyalty – for a lifetime.

HVZEL - Killer **

**Despite the name, this is a beautiful song.  Charles played it for me immediately after we exchanged commitment vows.**

Our message will always be one of More. A message of hope does not require unconditional surrender, only the fortitude to do the right thing.

In the meantime, be assured that our lives continue to reap the abundant rewards of a life well-lived. 

Rika

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. 

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt (Man in the Arena speech 1910)

“He who takes offense when offense was not intended is a fool, yet he who takes offense when offense IS intended is an even greater fool, for he has succumbed to the will of his adversary.” – Brigham Young