Growing Pains

To those who have a solid grasp on reality and don’t need such a reminder, please disregard the following disclaimer:  The opinions presented in this article are my own personal viewpoint based upon what has and has not worked for me. Under no circumstance should they be misinterpreted as my attempt to take over the universe by convincing others to adopt my beliefs.  Without the personal conviction of life experience and relevant understanding, that would be unwise - yet there are those who interpret free speech shared via a personal blog article as dictating a certain agenda.  It is these individuals that necessitate the constant disclaimer you see here and sprinkled throughout my previous writings.

"I want to grow.".  It indicates we want to be better, stronger, more centered...but is this something we genuinely desire to attain, or just a lofty goal designed to impress ourselves and others?  Are we open to growth only when it's convenient, or are we willing to pursue it in the midst of adversity? Personally, I think the universe sends challenging situations our way when we least expect it - and quite frankly, when we'd rather just 'take the day off from growing'.  

Growth doesn't always immediately involve 'forward motion';  sometimes it involves stepping backwards and dismantling preconceived ideas.  Philosophies deemed worthy at inception risk being mere words until they are tested and proven by personal circumstance.  It's eye-opening to experience your carefully protected beliefs crumble into an idea glued together by an emotional attachment.  It takes strength of purpose to move forward without the crutch they've provided up to this point.  For those concepts that don't make the cut when we're forced to confront them in real life, our egos can make it tough to let go.  Admitting we're wrong takes humbleness and grace, even if it's only ourselves we must face with our newfound revelations. 

Sometimes that can be the most difficult of all.

I've learned that while growing is both challenging and addictive, it can also come with a pricetag attached.  As we evolve our thinking based upon personal experience and logic, our insights may not fall within what's 'popular' or coincide with the 'Best' that others profess to want for us as individuals. Unfortunately, sometimes our growth makes other people uncomfortable - especially if it accidentally exposes their own reticence to grow.

My parents, in particular, weren't exactly thrilled upon learning about my poly lifestyle, but were doing their best to cope.  Initially, they did a fantastic job of welcoming my family as theirs; Charles and Marie were impressed by how well my parents embraced them, in spite of not condoning the situation.  We were thrilled at the prospect of all-inclusive family gatherings and made future plans to get together again.

Buoyed by their ability to handle an unfamiliar situation, I opened up to them about my change of heart regarding their religious beliefs.  Even though that particular decision was years in the making, suddenly the newness and strangeness of my recent lifestyle choices were blamed.  Multiple attempts to work with my parents toward some type of compromise were not met with favor; ultimately, my 'lack of faith' proved the catalyst for enstrangement between our families.  

I am greatly saddened by not having them involved in our lives, but I can no more go back to who I was several years ago than I can go back to being 25. Regardless of whether their objections stem from a genuine heart of concern or from their discomfort with my family structure - it hasn't been easy to deal with.  Any situation can become a positive learning experience, however, and this conflict served as an impetus for positive self-discovery.

• It drove home the fact that being passive about something important causes issues down the road when you are finally brave enough to address it.  I am no longer passive, and speak my opinions honestly and assertively.
• It spurred me to learn more about other faiths and belief systems, which solidified my own viewpoints on religion.  Although I'm by no means an expert, I'm definitely more educated about this subject than I ever was growing up in the midst of a faith-filled environment.
• I've learned that sometimes people have an emotional attachment to ideas and philosophies which prevent their ability to change their mind.  I've developed the grace that allows me to accept that I can't win every battle; I don't need to.
• It reiterated the need to have a strong sense of self-identity, one that isn't based upon external circumstances or other people.  I've found that I'm my own best friend, and who I am, deep down on the inside, is fueled by core convictions and my willingness to understand.
• It's become easier to step back and see the big picture, and use logic to isolate facts from the emotions that can cloud the issue at hand.  Using this filter process allows me to pick myself up when I fall, instead of needing someone to come and rescue me.

Instead of seeking impossible perfection, I've learned the best way to achieve peace and contentment is being honest enough to let go, to change.

I've discovered I can't make everyone happy - I'm only obligated to handle my own 'shi*, and to keep fighting for what's right.  

Rika

"Victory comes in shallow breaths." - Tivius

Katy Perry - Roar - Lyrics below

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

Gamer Girl Highlights 2013

In January of this year, I posted an article called Female, Forty and Fighting, in which I described myself as a casual gamer.  Looking back, I have to smile at how I've morphed into a dedicated gamer over the last several months.  I'm still every bit the girly-girl I've always been, but now I also live and breathe game-speak to the point where my co-workers know better than to ask me what I did over the weekend; they realize they'll get an enthusiastic earful of my latest adventures in gaming!  At home when we share anecdotes or stories, we've developed the habit of qualifying it beforehand as either IRL (in real life) or IVL (in virtual life), just so there's no confusion! 

A quite accurate example of facial expressions I make during gaming, lol.

We haven't yet succumbed to the Xbox One yet.  With as many Xbox 360s in the household as there are family members, this would be quite an expense - plus we're so immersed in our current game we are quite content to wait and let them work out the kinks first. 

Below I'll share a little bit about this year's gaming highlights; if you haven't already, I highly recommend you try them out for yourself!

Skylanders Giants 

Skylanders and Skylanders Giants - originally intended as children's games, we soon found that the average age of players were in their mid-30s.  With light-up action figures placed upon a portal of power, this beat-em-up, loot-collecting game lets you level up your characters' special abilities and defeat the bad guys, mash-up cartoon style.  It's a blast to play, addicting and admittedly rather expensive, as it keeps you eagerly browsing the stores to add to your character collection.  There are about 70 in all, if you include their latest game, Swap Force. We couldn't bear to part with our beloved characters after we finished the game and have them safely packed away, planning to share them with our grandchildren when the time comes!

Defiance

Defiance - a massive multi-player online role-playing game (MMORPG) third-person shooter set in an open world post-apocalyptic landscape.  One of my favorite features of the game are the Arkfalls, in which you battle co-op with up to 20 other online players to defeat giant creatures and collect the loot left behind.  This was my very first MMORPG and a major turning point in the development of my shooting, strategy and stealth skills.  This game was also tied into the Defiance TV series; the entire family enjoyed watching this well-written science fiction drama where humans and intelligent extraterrestrial species coexist.

Saints Row 4

Saints Row 4 - a third-person shooter action-adventure game where you play a character placed in a computer simulation by invading aliens.  Throughout the game you earn and develop superhero abilities that enable you to leap over tall buildings in a single bound and glide through the air effortlessly.  These powers aid you in eventually reclaiming earth back from the aliens through campaign missions and side quests.  Navigating in games has never been my strong point, but this game's ridiculous powers allowed me to improve that particular gaming skill.

GTA 5 (Grand Theft Auto 5) - the offline story mode allows you to switch between the intertwining lives of 3 characters in a third-person open world environment.  In Charles' opinion, veteran gamer that he is, it has one of the best story lines he's ever experienced in a video game. 
Story modes aren't usually my favorite, but as soon as I tried it, I quickly got caught up in the lives of the characters.  I'm currently completing the 
side missions necessary to gather the needed items for my first heist.

My real love, though, is the 16 multi-player online version.  Although it had a few issues upon release, most of these have been fixed and a generous $500K stimulus bestowed by Rockstar Games as remediation for those of us who experienced the initial glitches.  It recovered quickly, moving on to win Game of the Year at the 2013 Golden Joystick Awards held in London this past October,  and is also the proud owner of 7 Guinness World Records.  It also boasts the largest playable area in an open world title - approximately 50 square miles; for comparison's sake, the city of Manhattan is roughly 34 square miles.

City of Los Santos at Night

Against the gorgeous setting of Los Santos, not only can you explore the city's scenery in sandbox mode and complete the usual missions, side quests, death matches and survival missions that are intrinsic to the game - you're also able to sky dive and scuba dive, compete in tennis, golf, dart, and arm-wrestling matches as well as land, sea and air races. You can buy an apartment with up to a 10 car garage, have your friends over to visit, and work together keeping the peace or playing havoc by stealing fighter jets from the military base and escaping the cops - the choices are up to you.  The detail of the object permanence along with the dialogue of the city's inhabitants is amazing.

Night View from my GTAV apartment

It's become the entire family's obsession for the last two months; after our household responsibilities are done, we've had several weekends and endless weeknights filled with family co-op sessions of GTA 5 online.  Marie and I particularly enjoy the playing the survival missions together.  Throughout the mission, we keep a random commentary going that has Charles laughing and promising to release a 'Housewives of GTA 5' on You Tube!

Survival Mission: Boneyard

While I love playing with the family,  I enjoy developing and employing my own strategies to defeat enemies single-handedly.  I love the thrill of satisfaction that comes with completing a challenging mission on my own.  I've become quite adept at handling a sniper and assault rifle, and can't wait to level up enough to unlock my favorite weapon of all time - the invincible rocket-launcher! 

It is unfortunate that video games get such a bad rap and and get the blame when a tragedy happens.  I'm no more likely to take a gun and shoot someone in real life because I played a video game, than I am to become an artist by going to an art show, or rape someone because I'm an athiest who is portrayed as having no 'Christian' morals. Strong language?  Yes, it is, but you get my point. I agree that some games, especially GTA 5, aren't suitable for young children; accordingly, games ratings are displayed on game covers as notification for the potential buyer and/or involved parent.  Despite the negative light they are portrayed in, for the average responsible gamer, an immersive video game is a great stress reliever after a long workday.  

Lighthouse at Dusk

I no longer consider myself a casual gamer, and relish the confidence that allows me to pick up any game I choose and play it successfully.  While there are those who like to insist that gaming is a time waster, perhaps I might feel the same about someone who is an avid sports fan - it's not my thing, but to each his own, right?  For me, playing video games is a very gratifying hobby and at the core of many positive family memories. Additionally, the confidence and growth I've developed IVL mirrors the growth I've witnessed in my personal life; I can't wait to experience what happens next!

Stay tuned, Ladies and Gentlemen, this journey has just begun...

Rika

Epic GTA 5 Stunt Montages

Copter Pro - Charles' character outside my Apartment Window