Growing Pains

To those who have a solid grasp on reality and don’t need such a reminder, please disregard the following disclaimer:  The opinions presented in this article are my own personal viewpoint based upon what has and has not worked for me. Under no circumstance should they be misinterpreted as my attempt to take over the universe by convincing others to adopt my beliefs.  Without the personal conviction of life experience and relevant understanding, that would be unwise - yet there are those who interpret free speech shared via a personal blog article as dictating a certain agenda.  It is these individuals that necessitate the constant disclaimer you see here and sprinkled throughout my previous writings.

"I want to grow.".  It indicates we want to be better, stronger, more centered...but is this something we genuinely desire to attain, or just a lofty goal designed to impress ourselves and others?  Are we open to growth only when it's convenient, or are we willing to pursue it in the midst of adversity? Personally, I think the universe sends challenging situations our way when we least expect it - and quite frankly, when we'd rather just 'take the day off from growing'.  

Growth doesn't always immediately involve 'forward motion';  sometimes it involves stepping backwards and dismantling preconceived ideas.  Philosophies deemed worthy at inception risk being mere words until they are tested and proven by personal circumstance.  It's eye-opening to experience your carefully protected beliefs crumble into an idea glued together by an emotional attachment.  It takes strength of purpose to move forward without the crutch they've provided up to this point.  For those concepts that don't make the cut when we're forced to confront them in real life, our egos can make it tough to let go.  Admitting we're wrong takes humbleness and grace, even if it's only ourselves we must face with our newfound revelations. 

Sometimes that can be the most difficult of all.

I've learned that while growing is both challenging and addictive, it can also come with a pricetag attached.  As we evolve our thinking based upon personal experience and logic, our insights may not fall within what's 'popular' or coincide with the 'Best' that others profess to want for us as individuals. Unfortunately, sometimes our growth makes other people uncomfortable - especially if it accidentally exposes their own reticence to grow.

My parents, in particular, weren't exactly thrilled upon learning about my poly lifestyle, but were doing their best to cope.  Initially, they did a fantastic job of welcoming my family as theirs; Charles and Marie were impressed by how well my parents embraced them, in spite of not condoning the situation.  We were thrilled at the prospect of all-inclusive family gatherings and made future plans to get together again.

Buoyed by their ability to handle an unfamiliar situation, I opened up to them about my change of heart regarding their religious beliefs.  Even though that particular decision was years in the making, suddenly the newness and strangeness of my recent lifestyle choices were blamed.  Multiple attempts to work with my parents toward some type of compromise were not met with favor; ultimately, my 'lack of faith' proved the catalyst for enstrangement between our families.  

I am greatly saddened by not having them involved in our lives, but I can no more go back to who I was several years ago than I can go back to being 25. Regardless of whether their objections stem from a genuine heart of concern or from their discomfort with my family structure - it hasn't been easy to deal with.  Any situation can become a positive learning experience, however, and this conflict served as an impetus for positive self-discovery.

• It drove home the fact that being passive about something important causes issues down the road when you are finally brave enough to address it.  I am no longer passive, and speak my opinions honestly and assertively.
• It spurred me to learn more about other faiths and belief systems, which solidified my own viewpoints on religion.  Although I'm by no means an expert, I'm definitely more educated about this subject than I ever was growing up in the midst of a faith-filled environment.
• I've learned that sometimes people have an emotional attachment to ideas and philosophies which prevent their ability to change their mind.  I've developed the grace that allows me to accept that I can't win every battle; I don't need to.
• It reiterated the need to have a strong sense of self-identity, one that isn't based upon external circumstances or other people.  I've found that I'm my own best friend, and who I am, deep down on the inside, is fueled by core convictions and my willingness to understand.
• It's become easier to step back and see the big picture, and use logic to isolate facts from the emotions that can cloud the issue at hand.  Using this filter process allows me to pick myself up when I fall, instead of needing someone to come and rescue me.

Instead of seeking impossible perfection, I've learned the best way to achieve peace and contentment is being honest enough to let go, to change.

I've discovered I can't make everyone happy - I'm only obligated to handle my own 'shi*, and to keep fighting for what's right.  

Rika

"Victory comes in shallow breaths." - Tivius

Katy Perry - Roar - Lyrics below

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar