Gamer Girl Highlights 2013

In January of this year, I posted an article called Female, Forty and Fighting, in which I described myself as a casual gamer.  Looking back, I have to smile at how I've morphed into a dedicated gamer over the last several months.  I'm still every bit the girly-girl I've always been, but now I also live and breathe game-speak to the point where my co-workers know better than to ask me what I did over the weekend; they realize they'll get an enthusiastic earful of my latest adventures in gaming!  At home when we share anecdotes or stories, we've developed the habit of qualifying it beforehand as either IRL (in real life) or IVL (in virtual life), just so there's no confusion! 

A quite accurate example of facial expressions I make during gaming, lol.

We haven't yet succumbed to the Xbox One yet.  With as many Xbox 360s in the household as there are family members, this would be quite an expense - plus we're so immersed in our current game we are quite content to wait and let them work out the kinks first. 

Below I'll share a little bit about this year's gaming highlights; if you haven't already, I highly recommend you try them out for yourself!

Skylanders Giants 

Skylanders and Skylanders Giants - originally intended as children's games, we soon found that the average age of players were in their mid-30s.  With light-up action figures placed upon a portal of power, this beat-em-up, loot-collecting game lets you level up your characters' special abilities and defeat the bad guys, mash-up cartoon style.  It's a blast to play, addicting and admittedly rather expensive, as it keeps you eagerly browsing the stores to add to your character collection.  There are about 70 in all, if you include their latest game, Swap Force. We couldn't bear to part with our beloved characters after we finished the game and have them safely packed away, planning to share them with our grandchildren when the time comes!

Defiance

Defiance - a massive multi-player online role-playing game (MMORPG) third-person shooter set in an open world post-apocalyptic landscape.  One of my favorite features of the game are the Arkfalls, in which you battle co-op with up to 20 other online players to defeat giant creatures and collect the loot left behind.  This was my very first MMORPG and a major turning point in the development of my shooting, strategy and stealth skills.  This game was also tied into the Defiance TV series; the entire family enjoyed watching this well-written science fiction drama where humans and intelligent extraterrestrial species coexist.

Saints Row 4

Saints Row 4 - a third-person shooter action-adventure game where you play a character placed in a computer simulation by invading aliens.  Throughout the game you earn and develop superhero abilities that enable you to leap over tall buildings in a single bound and glide through the air effortlessly.  These powers aid you in eventually reclaiming earth back from the aliens through campaign missions and side quests.  Navigating in games has never been my strong point, but this game's ridiculous powers allowed me to improve that particular gaming skill.

GTA 5 (Grand Theft Auto 5) - the offline story mode allows you to switch between the intertwining lives of 3 characters in a third-person open world environment.  In Charles' opinion, veteran gamer that he is, it has one of the best story lines he's ever experienced in a video game. 
Story modes aren't usually my favorite, but as soon as I tried it, I quickly got caught up in the lives of the characters.  I'm currently completing the 
side missions necessary to gather the needed items for my first heist.

My real love, though, is the 16 multi-player online version.  Although it had a few issues upon release, most of these have been fixed and a generous $500K stimulus bestowed by Rockstar Games as remediation for those of us who experienced the initial glitches.  It recovered quickly, moving on to win Game of the Year at the 2013 Golden Joystick Awards held in London this past October,  and is also the proud owner of 7 Guinness World Records.  It also boasts the largest playable area in an open world title - approximately 50 square miles; for comparison's sake, the city of Manhattan is roughly 34 square miles.

City of Los Santos at Night

Against the gorgeous setting of Los Santos, not only can you explore the city's scenery in sandbox mode and complete the usual missions, side quests, death matches and survival missions that are intrinsic to the game - you're also able to sky dive and scuba dive, compete in tennis, golf, dart, and arm-wrestling matches as well as land, sea and air races. You can buy an apartment with up to a 10 car garage, have your friends over to visit, and work together keeping the peace or playing havoc by stealing fighter jets from the military base and escaping the cops - the choices are up to you.  The detail of the object permanence along with the dialogue of the city's inhabitants is amazing.

Night View from my GTAV apartment

It's become the entire family's obsession for the last two months; after our household responsibilities are done, we've had several weekends and endless weeknights filled with family co-op sessions of GTA 5 online.  Marie and I particularly enjoy the playing the survival missions together.  Throughout the mission, we keep a random commentary going that has Charles laughing and promising to release a 'Housewives of GTA 5' on You Tube!

Survival Mission: Boneyard

While I love playing with the family,  I enjoy developing and employing my own strategies to defeat enemies single-handedly.  I love the thrill of satisfaction that comes with completing a challenging mission on my own.  I've become quite adept at handling a sniper and assault rifle, and can't wait to level up enough to unlock my favorite weapon of all time - the invincible rocket-launcher! 

It is unfortunate that video games get such a bad rap and and get the blame when a tragedy happens.  I'm no more likely to take a gun and shoot someone in real life because I played a video game, than I am to become an artist by going to an art show, or rape someone because I'm an athiest who is portrayed as having no 'Christian' morals. Strong language?  Yes, it is, but you get my point. I agree that some games, especially GTA 5, aren't suitable for young children; accordingly, games ratings are displayed on game covers as notification for the potential buyer and/or involved parent.  Despite the negative light they are portrayed in, for the average responsible gamer, an immersive video game is a great stress reliever after a long workday.  

Lighthouse at Dusk

I no longer consider myself a casual gamer, and relish the confidence that allows me to pick up any game I choose and play it successfully.  While there are those who like to insist that gaming is a time waster, perhaps I might feel the same about someone who is an avid sports fan - it's not my thing, but to each his own, right?  For me, playing video games is a very gratifying hobby and at the core of many positive family memories. Additionally, the confidence and growth I've developed IVL mirrors the growth I've witnessed in my personal life; I can't wait to experience what happens next!

Stay tuned, Ladies and Gentlemen, this journey has just begun...

Rika

Epic GTA 5 Stunt Montages

Copter Pro - Charles' character outside my Apartment Window

What Dreams are Made Of

Love....What does it mean to you?
Is it the prepackaged type that you see in movies or read about in romance novels - or the kind that volunteers to stay up late with a sick child so your partner can get some rest?
Does it involve dinners by candlelight and rose petals scattered across the floor leading to a steamy bubble bath - or the kind that cleans up a dirty kitchen so your partner can relax on the couch after a long workday?
Does it mean enduring mediocrity on a regular basis, but gladly accepting special occasion gifts given out of obligation or guilt - or does it mean making a special late night trip to the grocery store on a weeknight, just to get your partner their favorite ice cream? 

Is your love the kind that's supportive of your partner's self-fulfillment, as long as your own identity isn't threatened - or the kind that promotes their personal growth even if it means they may outgrow you?
Does it subscribe to 'working it out' unless you are too tired to talk - or the kind that understands the loss of sleep is a small price to pay for reaching an understanding?

Does your version of love avoid conflict because you'd rather not 'upset anyone' - or is honest enough to call bullshi* on unacceptable behavior?
Does it allow those you love to possess ideals that differ from your own? Does it say "Follow your heart." "Be true to who you are.", and mean it?

Love is personal and is best proven by the substance, commitment and demonstration of the participants' hearts.  

Real Love.  What's your definition?

**A special thanks to Charles and Marie, who challenge me to bring my personal best at all times, and add their vibrancy and color to my own. Your hearts are genuine and prove every single day what real love is.  
You're the best life partners this little girl could have ever dreamed up. <333

Rika

An Open Letter to Charles

Editors note:  In our poly-fidelitous relationship, daily emails between Charles, Marie and I are a standard part of our workday.  Not only does it keep everyone in the loop regarding schedule updates, but we also recap the previous day's events - giving our favorite moments and expressing appreciation for kindnesses shown.  I'm very sentimental and save every one, bringing my inbox count to around 4,000 emails over the last few years!  Below is a letter I wrote to Charles recently, summarizing the many positive ways he has impacted my life:

Dear Charles,

A chance meeting. A promise of More. A life-changing decision.

A heartfelt “Thank You”…..

It’s been almost 4 years since our paths crossed; I’ve never once regretted the choice to give you my heart for safe-keeping, because you diligently seek to earn and protect that trust.  Every Day.

You’ve kept every one of your promises to me from Day One.

You’re my best friend - the kind who took time to get to know the real me; who recognized the value in what others were unable to see.  Who taught me to let go of shadows that were hindering my growth and helped me learn to communicate honestly, based on fact rather than emotion.  Who encouraged me to explore what interests me and form my own beliefs, voice my own opinions.  Who speaks the truth and holds me accountable for my actions.

You've proven that the good guy does win the girl, in this case, girls. ^ . ^

Not by being an egotistical jerk who plays the role of 'king of the castle'.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  For those of us who live with you everyday - you've proven you're both a sweetheart and a gentleman, who consistently demonstrates unselfishness and treats us with respect.

There is nothing generic about your love – romantic and tender, fierce and relentless, but always solid and real, the kind a girl can believe in.  You make a point of finding new and creative ways to express customized care, not only to myself, but to Marie and the boys. The proof that it works is evident in the way Marie’s eyes shine as she showers affection on you; how the boys take every opportunity to engage you in conversation and play; heck, even our crazy little cat even follows you around the house! 

Our relationship has flourished - not because we’re perfect and never disagree, but because we keep communication open and address conflicts immediately.  This method of resolving concern is a direct result of your guidance, and I am firmly convinced it is a key ingredient in our continued success.

The joy we experience has not been without its obstacles.  Our families have raised concerns to our relationship, which is understandable; however, their refusal to recognize us as a family unit combined with their reticence for reasonable discussion has been challenging. 

The resulting rift has been painful for everyone involved.  Yet, when it would have been easier to give in or walk away, you’ve continued to Stand for Love, seeking healing and restoration through countless emails and writings. When your attempts to initiate a dialogue have been greeted with accusations or silence, you haven’t reacted in anger. Instead, you've continued to reach out in love, gently reminding me to never give up. Your tireless efforts at reconciliation speak volumes about the sincerity of your heart. Where others may have failed, you’ve proven how real love can be. You stand head and shoulders above the rest, earning my respect and commitment for a lifetime.

Rika <3

Right Down the Line - Gerry Rafferty 

Lyrics to 'Right Down the Line'

You know I need your love, you got that hold over me
Long as I got your love, you know that I'll never leave
When I wanted you to share my life, I had no doubt in my mind
And it's been you, woman, right down the line

I know how much I lean on you, only you can see
Changes that I've been through have left their mark on me
You've been as constant as a northern star, the brightest light that shines
It's been you, woman, right down the line

I just wanna say this is my way
Of telling you everything I could never say before
Yeah, this is my way
Of telling you that every day I'm loving you so much more

'Cause you believed in me through my darkest night
Put something better inside of me, you brought me into the light
Threw away all those crazy dreams, I put them all behind
And it was you, woman, right down the line

I just wanna say this is my way
Of telling you everything I could never say before
Yeah, this is my way
Of telling you that every day I'm loving you so much more

If I should doubt myself, if I'm losing ground
I won't turn to someone else, they'd only let me down
When I wanted you to share my life, I had no doubt in my mind
And it's been you, woman, right down the line

What's Your Super Power?

In our daily conversations, Charles and I often engage one another in dreamy philosophical games, the way nerdy kids might debate the nuances of Star Wars vs Star Trek. Often, these chats are overtures for a much deeper dialogue... but we express them in ways which are playful. Even controversial subjects need not always be such grim fare. 

Recently, he posed an insightful query to me in the form of an age old fanboy favorite: Which Super Power would you have? While the discussion was lively and brief, it did spark some rather interesting observations. I thought I'd share that with you, below. 

Read the question and qualifiers, and answer as truthfully as you dare. Once you've done so - read below the LINE OF TRUTH to reveal what your chosen super power may mean about your secret identity. 

Fun and Fascinating stuff! 

Enjoy,
-Rika

A simple question about imaginary and complex things.

- Which super power would you chose: Invisibility or Flight?

Consider carefully which you would prefer, as it will be your only superpower.

Some clarifications to consider:

• Invisibility only pertains to your body and your clothes, not things you pick up. Nor does it make you super silent, super strong or otherwise impervious to detection.
• Flight would be capped at speeds up to 200mph, with heights limited to the breathable atmosphere. You are not rendered impervious to cold, wind or damage from collisions.

This is all the information I can provide.  Now… make your decision.

Which would you choose? 

Why? -- what would you do with your ability? 

Think about it if you must, but answer simply.  No more than a line or two.

Once you've prepared your answer -- continue on to the section below. 

Here’s what it could all mean:

The options for Flight and Invisibility touch a nerve in the Human spirit. They speak to two very different primal desires and personality types.

One is about something obvious, while the other is about being hidden. Thus… some might say that they indicate your level of shame.

Flight has nothing to hide – while invisibility is all about guile. Wanting to be invisible means you are a more guileful person, while flight is guileless.

Flight is the choice of the Hero Archetype: selfless, confident and unashamed.

And therefore invisibility --  becomes the cloak of a would-be Villain. It is the sneakier power…. calculating and crouching in order to obfuscate, manipulate or infringe.

Flight represents a desire to see all of a situation. To know more and have the option to act upon what is detected.

Invisibility however, is clearly about remaining undetected, while being able to see others. That demonstrates a desire to place others at a disadvantage… while capitalizing on their vulnerability. Or at the very least, to hide yourself for fear of being revealed.

In the end, however – neither is truly definitive of a person in real life.  This isn’t a clear-cut situation of What kind of person flies vs. What kind of person fades.

Truth is - - we all do both. Of course we do.

So then, perhaps the true dilemma is revealed in this closing query: 

Given the choice, which is your inclination – the person you truly wish you could be?  Or … the person you fear you truly are?

- C.D. 

Inspired by the broadcast This American Life. “ Super Powers “ aired Oct 20 2013

The Inside Scoop

Imagine you were accused of something but never given the chance to defend yourself.  After hurling illogical and unfounded insults, your accusers hid in the shadows and refused any attempts for mediation.  Furthermore, your efforts to promote harmony and peace were seen as manipulative, simply because of the way you eloquently presented your perspective.

In my previous postings, I’ve presented an accurate picture of our thriving poly home life.  Although we’ve found remarkable joy in the cohesive family unit we’ve worked so diligently to build, there has also been steady opposition from family members who would rather tear us apart than rejoice with us in our growing happiness.  Many invitations have been extended for them to visit our home to get a balanced perspective of how things work, yet instead they have chosen to raise objections that have no basis in truth, since they are on the outside looking in.  They need only step inside to witness first-hand the actual reality of our loving home environment. 

As you can see by the links I’ve included in this and previous entries, Charles and I have diligently attempted to keep the doors of communication open in order to bring healing and restoration to our families.  Throughout our writings you will consistently see disclaimers along these lines: We understand our lifestyle is not the social norm, and under no circumstances should be entered into lightly or irresponsibly.  We freely acknowledge it’s not for everyone; however, our solid history speaks volumes on how it unquestionably works well for us.  

This rational approach to help our families understand our perspective has unfortunately been perceived as manipulation.  To date, the 75 combined entries we've posted in the last ten months are not our only efforts; additionally, there have been emails and phone calls initiated over the last 3 ½ years. The responses to these attempts have been minimal and met with a rigid unwillingness for further discussion.  Our message has been consistent – we simply offer More love, more kindness and more resource.

In the face of irrefutable logic, however, our families keep side-stepping with ever-changing reasons for their objections. The initial reactions of “This is just a phase.”,  “Rika will tear the family apart.”, “You’re being manipulated." , "You don’t know your own mind.”, “You’re going straight to he** and taking them with you.” - have been eroded to “I just don’t like it.", "I don't agree with it.”, and recently have fallen into complete silence.

Charles and I aren’t the only ones involved in promoting healing - both Marie and the boys have been supportive of our efforts, allowing us the time needed to devote to our writing. In fact, it seems the more effort we waste in trying to work with them, the more unified we become!  It hasn’t been easy to deal with their negativity. In fact, at moments we've questioned if reaching out to them is worth the investment of our goodwill, when we have so many other positive things to focus on - yet we continue to do the right thing and be ambassadors for peace. 

Charles in particular is tireless in his efforts. In the midst of the rejection and pain we have experienced, he has not cowered in the face of opposition.  He has not resorted to the negativity that has become the sole characteristic of objections to our family structure. Instead, he displays humble consistency as he demonstrates the very essence of what love should be.  A magnanimous and loving spirit speaks positively and clearly.  I couldn’t be prouder of the man I fell in love with.  His character continues to win my heart - and has unequivocally earned my loyalty – for a lifetime.

HVZEL - Killer **

**Despite the name, this is a beautiful song.  Charles played it for me immediately after we exchanged commitment vows.**

Our message will always be one of More. A message of hope does not require unconditional surrender, only the fortitude to do the right thing.

In the meantime, be assured that our lives continue to reap the abundant rewards of a life well-lived. 

Rika

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. 

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt (Man in the Arena speech 1910)

“He who takes offense when offense was not intended is a fool, yet he who takes offense when offense IS intended is an even greater fool, for he has succumbed to the will of his adversary.” – Brigham Young

Yaaay!!

A Very Happy Girl!!

Click on the link above to read about a very special celebration between Charles, Marie and myself this past weekend.

The Summer in Anime

It's been a fantastic summer with Charles and Marie!  Below are a few anime images that capture the highlights of my summer days and nights. Enjoy!

A  Magical Kiss in the Rain from Charles

Planting Flowers with Marie 

Holding a Beautiful New Granddaughter

Cuddling with Charles while Enjoying the Sunset

Playing Tennis with Marie

Driving a Boat on Lake Macatawa

Playing Saints Row 4 with Charles

Hanging Out with my Two Best Friends

The little girl in this video captures it perfectly - I love my life!!

Rika

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can." 

- Danny Kaye

If You're Fond of Sand Dunes

Life in our household is a blend of daily responsibilities mixed with plenty of warm companionship. Like most families, we try to take a vacation together once a year.  We truly enjoy each others' company, so the added bonus of hanging out together without interruption is appreciated by all. Unfortunately, Sid was unable to join us this time around due to his work schedule; however, we are already making plans to take him, Kitty, her boyfriend and new baby with us next year.

Vacations are a special event around our home.  Weeks before, hours of research go into finding just the right location.  Marie is particularly skilled at finding great deals that fit our family budget; this year she found us a lovely condo right on the beach, with a gorgeous view of the marina right outside our window. Charles stayed up literally all night prior to departure day, creating a fresh music playlist of over 50 songs.  As the family's Master Entertainer, this is one of his specialties; he delights in turning this project into a labor of love, bringing us fresh, new music while including remixes of old favorites for each of us. This playlist is an important part of our trip; the music starts as soon as we pull out of our driveway and plays during the entire car ride, while we sing along to the soundtrack.  Along the way, as we listened to a particularly beautiful melody, it started raining quite heavily. I've included it, below. 
Everyone loves it, but the overall effect was quite a treat to Charles and I, who happen to adore rain and thunderstorms.

Once we arrived, we unpacked and eagerly set out to explore our surroundings, a favorite being the pier at the marina.  Not only did we enjoy a few evening strolls during our stay, but waking up each morning to see the sunrise dancing across the water and docked boats was a magical sight.  We also discovered a small convenience store on the premises which supplied us with all the necessary staples. Kaz loved having the convenience of purchasing his favorite snack, and being a candy lover myself, I must admit that I enjoyed it as well!

The Bay

The first night of our stay we were truly kids at heart, staying up till the wee hours of the morning.  With our vacation music playing in the background, we had a blast playing with remote control helicopters and orbit light toys, courtesy of Charles.  The next morning we received a special wake up call....Marie had planned to surprise us with a lavish breakfast (pancakes, eggs and bacon) while everyone else slept in. Unfortunately, due to a tiny corner of burnt bacon, we not only arose to the delicious aroma, but the shrill sounds of the fire alarm going off!  After the initial shock and frantic moments of trying to remove the alarm's battery, we all had a good laugh over the experience.  As we finally sat down to enjoy Marie's cooking, we gave her a bit of good-natured teasing, but also showered her with plenty of gratitude for being such a sweetheart.

Although we didn't experience terribly hot weather during our stay, the days that followed were filled with plenty of sunshine and joy. Marie and I visited the on-site pool with Kaz, giggling hysterically as we splashed about in the rather cool water.  We also visited a local beach and had a similar experience, laughing through chattering teeth as we braved the chilly tide. We didn't let that dampen our spirits; Marie and Kaz tossed a football back and forth in the water, and when Charles decided he'd had enough of the icy lake, he and I flew miniature kites together.  All of us were having such a good time we stayed until dusk, and were rewarded with a lovely sunset.

Beautiful Evening

When the weather turned rainy one afternoon, we sought out a local laser tag/video game arcade, discovering we had the entire place to ourselves! Charles and Kaz played an 1-on-1 game of laser tag, while Marie and I enjoyed several games of virtual bowling. We felt right at home thanks to the friendly employees, and left their establishment with smiles all around.

Our favorite experience though, was what we refer to as 'Boating Day'. Armed with life jackets and a snack cooler, we rented a powerboat for a couple of hours.  This was a new experience for our family but we quickly discovered we took to it like 'ducks to water'. Charles and I took turns driving, enthralled with the sun and wind as we sped carefully around the lake, pulling Marie and Kaz behind us on a large water raft. They had big grins on their faces the entire time. Although I was quite nervous, I took a turn on the raft with Marie, who kept assuring me it was great fun and I would be just fine. I'm glad I took the opportunity to try the experience; however, I very quickly decided I preferred driving! She, however, not only adored the tubing experience, but attempted to water ski as well. Loving her as we do, it was a pleasure for Charles and I to witness her exuberant joy - the smile never left her face!  Another treat was to hear Kaz remark that he would remember this day for the rest of his life!  
Not only an absolutely enchanting day, but a beautiful way to bond as a family.  

If You're Fond of Sand Dunes

We had so much fun on the water during our trip, that the weekend following our return home, Marie and I sought out a local state park marina - renting a wave runner and adding yet another new adventure to our repertoire of fun. Plans are in the works to share this activity with the boys - we are confident they will enjoy it as much as we did.

As I've stated on more than one occasion - my life is ridiculously awesome. While I am ever cognizant that not everyone enjoys such a peaceful home life, I am grateful to have such wonderful life-partners as Charles and Marie. Working together with them through our share of tough spots has resulted in sincere appreciation for the many wonderful memories we've created together over the years.  I am deeply appreciative that I literally stumbled onto a such a treasure at this time in my life. 

Those who disapprove of my poly lifestyle tell me the Dashings are not my family. Since they consistently refuse to accept our open invitation to witness it firsthand, they are unaware that their ignorance is far removed from actual truth.  Frankly, there is no need to defend the obvious - our shared history and bonding experiences - the tender expressions on our faces, the swelling of our hearts when we witness each others' joy - these are all proof enough. 

I had a terrific vacation with my family!

Rika

"Never apologize for love." - Tivi

LOV - August, Sunset

** Want to read more about our experiences?  Click Here